Shaman Idol!
by Shaman Princess Kyouyama
Summary: Good afternoon, and welcome to Shaman Idol, the only show involving singing Shamans! Contestants are... contestants?
1. Episode One

Hao: Good afternoon, and welcome to Shaman Idol, the only show that broadcasts live Shaman singing!

-Chocolove holds up "APPLAUSE!" sign-

Hao: Our judges today will be -gestures- Anna Kyouyama, Horohoro Usui, and last but not least, ME!

Hao: Our first contestant today will be... hmm... uh, Anna?

Anna: What?

Hao: How come we don't have any contestants on our list?

Anna: That's impossible! Oh well, just pick someone random from the audience. We have to make money here, you know.

Hao: Erm... right. Oi! You there! Kid with the hair!

Ren: ARE YOU TALKING TO ME?

Hao: Yeah, you! Get down here!

Ren: -mumbles something inaudible under breath-

Hao: That'sa good boy! Now, do us a favor and sing this song here -shoves lyrics under his face- and dance to it, too.

Ren: WHAT! No way am I singing -looks at lyrics- "I'M A BARBIE GIRL"? ARE YOU MAD?

Hao: What? You got something against it? -Spirit of Fire appears behind him-

Ren: OF COURSE I -looks at Spirit of Fire- don't...

Hao: Good, cause that's my favorite song!

Horohoro: (mutters) So that explains the lip gloss...

Hao: That's it! UNLEASH YOUR POWER, SPIRIT OF FIRE!

-big nuclear explosion-

Hao: Hey, how come no one's dead?

Yoh: That's because I, the infamous Yoh Asakura, have come to destroy you and your idiotic lyrics! -picks up lyrics and rips them to pieces-

Hao: No... my "Barbie Girl" lyrics... no... NOOOO!!!!

Anna: Yoh! -falls to knees-

-Yoh falls asleep-

Horohoro: WHY DO YOU HAVE TO FALL ASLEEP IN THE MOST RANDOM PLACES, YOH?!?!?! -kicks body-

Hao: Now I can destroy the world with my horrid music! I WILL NOW LAUGH MY MANIAC EVIL LAUGH!

Ren: You wish.

Hao: SHUT UP! I'm TRYING TO LAUGH MY EVIL MANIAC LAUGH!

Anna: -slaps Hao- Not so fast, Hao. -hands him broom- Get scrubbing.

Hao: -whimpers- But... Anna... we're in a studio!

Anna: DID YOU JUST DENY ME?

Hao: N-n-no, of course not! I was talking to Ren!

Ren: Liar.

Anna: AND LIE TO ME?

Hao: -faints-

Anna: Well that's done with him. -throws Hao into recycling bin and rubs hands together- Now, let's continue with the show. You there! -points to Manta- Water meat bun! Get your short little ass over here!

Manta: -wince- Yes, ma'am.

Anna: You're gonna be singing this song. HOLD IT! -hands Manta lyrics- And remember to dance to it, too.

Ren: -peers over shoulders- Hey! That's the Barbie song again!

Anna: Of course. It's the only song we ever sing on Shaman Idol. It's a tradition. You gotta' problem with that? -holds up 1,080-

Ren: Darn, darn, darn... Why did we spend $500 on these tickets again?

Anna: It's for a GOOD CAUSE!

Ren: Yes, yes, of course. -rapid coughing fit-

Horohoro: Oh darn, time's up.

Chocolove: Oh barn, lime's pup.

Horohoro: WILL YOU QUIT THAT?!

-screen turns blank and commercial comes on-

TO BE CONTINUED...

* * *

READ AND REVIEW! ARIGATOU! 


	2. Episode Two

Hao: Hello, and welcome to another episode of Shaman Idol!

-Chocolove holds up "APPLAUSE!" sign-

Hao: Our judges today will be -gestures- Pirika Usui, Tamao Tamamura, and Inuyasha!

Tamao: Hey! -bewildered look- How did YOU get here? -points to Inuyasha-

Inuyasha: -shrug- Beats me!

Hao: Our first contestant today is... -signals to start playing dramatic music- KORORO!

-enter Kororo-

Hao: Ok, Kororo! All you have to do is sing this song -shoves papers into Kororo's hands- and dance to it!

Kororo: Meep, mm, bb, sshiwa!

Hao: I'm sorry, I don't speak Korropo Kuru.

Kororo: -drags out huge chalkboard and starts writing- MMM! BBSSHI! MEEPHUBB!

Hao: -reading- I... can't... talk... Oh! Why didn't you say so?

Kororo: -glare-

Hao: In that case, let's bring out our next contestant... -drumroll- TAO REN!

-fangirls huddle around stage entrance, waiting for him to enter-

Ren: Why the fuck am I here a-!

-fangirls jump on top of Ren-

Fangirl #1: HI RENNY! CAN I HAVE YOUR AUTOGRAPH?

Fangirl #2: NO, GIVE ME YOUR AUTOGRAPH FIRST!

Fangirl #1: I ASKED FIRST!

Fangirl #3: WELL I LIKE HIM MORE THAN YOU TWO!

Ren: GOLDEN CHUUKA ZANMAI!

-girls fly out in all directions-

Ren: There. -dumps girls in recycling bin, then looks inside bin- Has Hao been recycled already?

Hao: No, he was reincarnated.

Ren: Oh, I see- WHAT? HAO, QUIT THAT!

Hao: Heheh.

Ren: -points at Inuyasha- What's HE doing here?

Inuyasha: HI REN!

Ren: I have a bad feeling about this...

Hao: Right. Anyway. You hafta sing this song -shoves papers into hand- and dance to it.

Ren: -watching Spirit of Fire burn audience- -gulp- O-o-k...

Ren: "I'm a Barbie Girl, in a Barbie woorld!" Wait... oh no... don't tell me I just SANG that?!?!?!

-audience nods heads-

Ren: AAAAAACK!

Hao: Judges, please show your scores!

Pirika: -holds up '10' sign-

Tamao: -holds up '10' sign-

Inuyasha: -talking with Kagome-

Hao: All right then, let's see. Pirika, 10, -nod- Tamao, 10, -nod- and Inuyasha, 0! That gives you a really sucky total of 20 POINTS!

-Chocolove holds up big "BOO AND THROW VEGETABLES AT HAO!" sign at audience-

Ren: WHAT?! You mean I just sang that really stupid Barbie song for only 20 points?!?!! -takes out Kwan Dao-

-audience nods heads and starts throwing vegetables-

Ren: -covered in tomatoes- You are dead, Hao, so dead.

Inuyasha: -scratches head- Iono, he looks pretty alive to me! -cheesy grin-

Ren: Ugh...

-Lyserg appears in a big puff of smoke-

Lyserg: W-w-what am I doing here? -sees Hao- HAO!

Hao: -covered in tomatoes- Hi, Lyserg! Listen, I'm really sorry for killing your parents, so please forgive me?

Lyserg: Huh? O-o-ok...

Ren: You BASTARD! You're gonna forgive him just because he said sorry?!?!

Lyserg: Oh, right!

Hao: B-b-b-ut I apologized!

Lyserg: MORPHIN, ATTACK!

-big cloud of smoke-

Hao: -dead-

Lyserg: Wow, I must be good! -picks Hao up and dumps him in recycling bin-

Ren: -mouth drops to floor-

Inuyasha: Oh darn, time's up.

Chocolove: Row harm, mime's cup.

Inuyasha: -stares awkwardly at Chocolove-

-voice from recycling bin- : HEY! WHAT AM I DOING HERE? LET ME OUT! I WANT RENNY'S AUTOGRAPH!

TO BE CONTINUED...


	3. Episode Three

Ren: Hello, and welcome to another episode of Worship Ren!

Horohoro: All hail Ren the Master! All hail Ren the Master! -bows on knees-

Ren: Thank you, thank you!

Hao: -dumps Ren in recycling bin- Well, that's done with. -clears throat- Hello, and welcome to another episode of Shaman Idol!

-voice from recycling bin- : I FINALLY HAVE YOU RENNY! PLEASE GIVE ME YOUR AUTOGRAPH!

-voice from recycling bin- : AAAAH! A FANGIRL!

Hao: Erm. Right. Ok. Anyhow, our judges for today are -points- Li Pyron, Amidamaru, and Lord Voldemort!

Amidamaru: Who's HE? -points to Voldemort-

Hao: Oh, Lord Voldemort? He's my evil partner in worldwide chaos! -highfives Voldemort-

Voldemort: Hey, Hao, buddy! Wassup?

Li Pyron: -mouth agape-

Hao: -cheesy grin- Our first contestant today is -drumroll- PROFESSOR MCGONAGALL!

Professor McGonagall: -enters- Where am I? Who are you? Why am I here?

Hao: All you hafta' do is sing these lyrics -shoves lyrics into hand- and dance to it!

Professor McGonagall: If you continue such a rude display of behavior towards me, I shall have no choice but to turn you into a teacup!

Hao: BWAHAHA! Yeah, right lady. -gets turned into a teacup- WHAT! That's it, SPIRIT OF FIRE, ATTACK!

Professor McGonagall: -dead-

Hao: -tosses Professor in recycling bin- Now for a quick commercial break before we return... with the one and only, HANAGUMI!

-commercial break-

Hao: We're back with Shaman Idol! Our next contestant will be -point- the HANAGUMI!

Kanna: What the fuckin' fuck are we doing here, for fuck!

Mari: Mari is bored. Mari wants to play.

Macchi: WHOOWHOO! SHAMAN IDOL, HERE I COME!

Hao: Erm. Ok. All you have to do is sing this song -shoves papers into hands- and dance to it!

Kanna: WHAT? No fuckin' way in fuckin' fuck am I fuckin' singing a fuckin' song like this fuck!

Hao: Pretty please? Do it for Hao! -cute puppy eyes-

Mari: Mari will do anything for Hao-sama. -clears throat- "Mari is a Barbie girl, in a Barbie woorld!"

Chocolove: -faints-

Lyserg: -stares-

Macchi: Hao-sama, why are you a teacup?

Hao: Teacups are 'in'. I am 'in'. Therefore, I am a teacup.

Horohoro: -whispers- Another explanation for the lip gloss!

Hao: AND SO IS LIP GLOSS! It gives my gorgeous lips an extra shine, making me feel shmexy!

Amidamaru: He may _feel... _erm... _shmexy_, but he certainly doesn't look that way.

Li Pyron: Agreed. -nods head-

Hao: -overhears- ESPECIALLY THE STRAWBERRY FLAVORED ONES!

Chocolove: -recovers and faints again-

Lyserg: -stares-

Mari: -continues singing- "Life in plastic - it's fantastic!"

Macchi: No fair! I wanna sing the Barbie song too!

Mari: Mari is done!

Hao: And now, what do our judges have to say?

Amidamaru: -holds up '10' sign-

Li Pyron: -holds up '10' sign-

Lord Voldemort: -strangling Harry Potter-

Hao: All right. Amidamaru, 10, -nod- Li Pyron, 10, -nod- and Lord Voldemort, 10! That give you an awesome total of 30 POINTS!

-voice from recycling bin-: WHAT? I ONLY GOT TWENTY POINTS! -tongari pokes out of recycling bin-

Hao: That's cause Lord Voldemort's my buddy. Teehee.

-Kwan Dao emerges from recycling bin-

Hao: -hurriedly- Oops, looks like we're out of time! See you next episode on Shaman Idol!

-voice from recycling bin-: I'LL GET YOU NEXT TIME, HAO!

TO BE CONTINUED...


	4. IMPORTANT NOTE

IMPORTANT NOTICE FROM THE AUTHORESS:

I have a vague idea of what I'm going to do for the next chapter, but I need some help gathering ideas. Could you guys do me a favor and send me some ideas in the form of reviews? ARIGATOU!

-Shaman Princess Kyouyama


	5. Episode Four

Hao: Hello and welcome to another episode of -

-man in ninja suit gags Hao and carries him away-

Hao: MMHK! BFF! SHFMM!

Lyserg: Good job, Marco! We've got him now!

Iron Maiden Jeanne: We're ever so sorry for interrupting your program, despite how unholy it is, but nevertheless we shall return after a hopefully long commercial break!

-commercial break-

A really cheesy advertiser: Now, for only three easy payments of $33.33, you can get your year's supply of Horohoro's Magic Dieting Pills!

-Horohoro appears on stage in a tutu-

Horohoro: -squeaky voice- When I, like, gained one hundred fifty pounds in, like, freshman year, I was soooo embarassed to go out, but then, I like, was watching my most favorite show of all time, Shaman Idol, and I, like, saw the advertisement for Horohoro's Magic Dieting Pills, and I bought them, and now, my friends, are like, "Tell me your secret!", and "Oh! My! Goood! You look so totally fabulous!"

-Ren appears on stage-

Ren: -muttering and wringing hands- I can't believe I'm doing this...

Ren : You look amazing! Go out with me!

Horohoro: Yes! Of course I will! -makes kissy face at Ren-

Ren: -turns green- Um... I'll-be-right-back! -runs to bathroom-

Horohoro: -scratches head- Was it something I said?

-Fangirls charge at Horohoro-

Fangirl #1: I WANT TO BUY SOME! MAYBE RENNY WILL GO OUT WITH ME THEN!

Fangirl #2: MOVE OVER, FANGIRL #1! I'M ASKING RENNY OUT FIRST!

Fangirl #3: WELL I LIKE HIM MORE THAN YOU TWO!

Horohoro: -sweatdrops- Never fear, ladies! There are enough pills for everyone!

Fangirls: YAY!

Horohoro: So remember, if you want your supply of Horohoro's Magic Dieting Pills, call 1-800-FALSE-ADVERTISING today! That's 1-800-FALSE-ADVERTISING!

-end of commercial-

Lyserg: We have returned with another episode of your favorite show, "Cooking With Chef Marco"!

-Chocolove holds up 'BOO AND THROW VEGETABLES AT THE X-LAWS!' sign-

-audience nods and starts throwing tomatoes at Marco-

Iron Maiden Jeanne: You may change out of your most unholy ninja suit now, Marco.

Marco: Erm... Y-y-yes, Jeanne-sama. -rushes to changing room-

Lyserg: -whispers to Jeanne- Quick! Signal the crew to start playing the gospel music!

Iron Maiden Jeanne: Of course. -to crew- TURN ON THE FRIGGIN' GOSPEL MUSIC ALREADY!-

-gospel music starts playing-

Lyserg: Today on "Cooking With Chef Marco", we will be preparing soy sauce soup!

-audience makes faces at Lyserg-

Lyserg: -hurt look- Oh, come on! It's really not that bad!

-Chocolove holds up 'TAKE LYSERG HOSTAGE!' sign-

-audience nods and starts creeping closer to Lyserg-

Lyserg: What? Oh boy... -audience creeps closer, and closer, and closer...-

Lyserg: You wouldn't really take me hostage would you? -audience creeps closer and surrounds Lyserg-

Lyserg: No... -audience creeps closer- no... -even closer- NOOOO! -audience engulfs Lyserg-

-Jeanne appears in front of screen with microphone-

Iron Maiden Jeanne: And it looks like we're out of time! See you next time, on "Cooking With Chef Marco"!

Hao: That's SHAMAN IDOL!

Iron Maiden Jeanne: WHAT? YOU ESCAPED?

TO BE CONTINUED...


End file.
